King PITA's Digs

Some of you may be wondering what sort of digs good ol’ King PITA is enjoying here in Nanjing. I must say that the local hospitality coordinators have done an excellent job at providing lodgings for His Majesty. That said, We (yes, this is the royal “We”) have had to make some adaptations and adjustments. We must continue to remind Ourselves that We are here to teach and to work—this is not Club Med (of course We have not yet been invited to a Club Med—the nerve of those folks—but We can imagine…). There are indeed many excellent opportunities for fun (more on that in later blogs…)

We have been provided with a very simple yet comfortable royal suite, uh, I mean faculty apartment. Most Chinese universities provide housing for their faculty (mainly junior faculty and graduate students who are teaching at the university and preparing for more advanced graduate work). For a single king, I mean professor, the apartment is quite nice. There is a “great room” that serves as a nice mead hall (dining room with a table and four chairs). Off the mead hall is a small kitchen with a refrigerator, toaster oven, microwave oven, and small gas stove. Also off the mead hall is the throne room. I’m still getting used to having the throne in the shower room—whilst showering the throne is cascaded with water, so one should always do the royal business before showering… . On the other side of the mead hall are two nice rooms: the royal bed chamber and the executive office/entertainment chamber. The bed chamber anticipates a royal visit with a large king sized bed; however, my royal back is unaccustomed to the Chinese mattress which is as hard as the lovely marble floor. I’m told the Chinese believe that a firm mattress is better for the back, but me arse and back still beg to differ. The office/entertainment chamber has a leather sofa, a large desk with computer, and a large hutch with TV (but no channels just yet). However, DVDs and player are very cheap here, so We can watch many movies.

There is also a lovely small terrace out back which doubles as an area to dry Our clothes. We cannot afford to be bashful here and must hang Our clothing for the world to see. So, when the emperor has no clothes, all the neighbors get a glimpse of the royal undergarments. Now that it is getting warmer out (it’s been in the 60s and 70s during the day lately), We will hold court on the terrace whilst enjoying a pipe and a large bottle of Tsing Tao (I must say I enjoy the bottling practices here—they don’t usually mess around with little 12oz cans…ha ha).

We have had to grow accustomed to some differences here. If your royal court is not one for adaptation, then I recommend staying in your motherland. Our apartments are very far from campus—a ten-minute bike ride or a twenty-minute walk. We are getting some good exercise, and We have lost a bit of weight (for which We are most thankful). Heating is NOT a big priority here, even though it can be bone-chillingly cold. I really feel for the students, as they have NO heat whatsoever in their chambers, nor is there heat in any of the classrooms. At least they have provided faculty with heat/AC units, but only in the bed chamber and the office. That’s right…there is NO heat in the throne room. Needless to say, during the cold months, business on the throne is conducted with great speed and the occasional gasp upon first sitting down. ‘Nough said… Also, the throne room has a tendency to flood, since it is in the same room as the royal showers. There is no chambermaid, so I have become skilled in the use of a mop. Thankfully, the electricity issue has been resolved. Now that we have a wonderful assistant (Ryan is his English name), we can get our electricity replenished quickly without any interruption in service. Our Internet is regulated by local authorities, and it is turned off at precisely 11pm and turned back on at 7am. Thankfully, they keep Our electricity on 24/7, but the students have their power turned off at 11pm. But, students being students, they use battery power to play computer games on their laptops or to read by flashlight (unfortunately, more of the former than the latter).

Overall, life is good here for King PITA. Stay tuned for more on the Nanjing scene…